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I Wanna Get Better

Posted on January 16, 2022January 16, 2022 by Kirsten Barnhart

Two vaccines and a booster, but it finally got me—I have COVID. Not a big surprise, though, because my mom has been sick for a few weeks, and I’ve been around her.

Luckily my symptoms are mild. It started with a sore throat (that is already gone), and now I mostly have a very runny nose, a dry cough, a little bit of fatigue, a minor headache, and a craving for water.

Yuck! My positive COVID test.

I’m also lucky to work for a company that cares. We’ve all been wearing masks around each other for the past two weeks and mostly stay in our own offices to ourselves. Since I’m officially positive, though, I’m quarantined (banished) to my house. So, I’ll be working remotely for the week and won’t be leaving my house much. I say “much” because the thing is—stuck at home doesn’t mean stuck inside.

I’m grateful to live in the country on a sizable property. For the past two days, I’ve gone outside to walk Caesar. When you live in a secluded place, there’s no one around to spread a virus to. Also, I’m glad I have workout machines at home now. I’ve spent most of Saturday and Sunday reading and exercising—sometimes both at the same time. While I can’t go fast thanks to the cough, it does feel nice to be productive, and pretty much the only time my nose doesn’t run is when I’m moving.

I’m also getting some quality time rewatching Stargate-SG1 with Jeter. He does not seem to care that I am sick; he wants to be right in my face! Luckily, COVID in dogs is pretty rare.

So, it’s January 2022, and this is how I’m starting my year. I’m also starting it with a new outlook on many things—”new” compared to how I started 2021. Of course, over the past two days, I’ve also been thinking about my state of being.

In 2021, I spent a lot of time studying childhood trauma and how that affects us as adults. I know that I suffer from trauma and that I need to work on having a healthier mind if I want to be a healthier individual as a whole.

Jeter just wants to cuddle all the time.

I finally reached out to a therapist and was diagnosed with mild PTSD. I know that sounds wild (it did to me too), but I guess it’s actually pretty common. My goal with therapy is to become a healthier adult—to learn how to handle my emotions and reactions to situations better—and to then develop healthier relationships with those around me. One way I’ve already been doing this for the past several years is by controlling how I respond to unkindness and hurtful situations. I’ve learned that not responding is one of the best ways to handle a situation. Remember: you can’t control what someone does/says to you, but you can control how you react—and sometimes, not reacting is one of the healthiest things you can do. It takes practice, though, but I promise it’s better for your mind.

I turn 30 in 2022, so I’ve also been working on a “30 Things to Do Before 30” list. I have just over six months until the big day, so the things on the list have to be relatively simple and easy to accomplish. Actually, seeing a therapist is on the list. I also have things like “create a garden,” “join a yoga class,” and “go on a road trip” on the list—feasible things. (Hopefully, I’ll be able to share that list soon.) So far, I have around 17 items on the list (if you have any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment).   

Someone asked what my “word of the year” is. I thought of yoga practice and how you try to set an intention for the day when you start your yoga routine. My word—my intention for the year—is “wellness.” I wanna get better. I wanna be better. And that’s actually the point of making a list of 30 things I wanna do before 30. The majority of the things on the list are about being better or making me feel better in some way.

I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions several years ago because I found them entirely pointless—for myself, I always felt the best time to start reaching my goals was the moment I made them. And my goal every day is to be a better version of who I was the year, the week, and the day before.

Caesar is always up for a walk around the farm.

Recently, I signed up to volunteer at the Fort Wayne Children’s Zoo, I began planning out events for the Van Wert County Humane Society, I joined a Yoga Class, I set up my first appointment to see a therapist, I started sponsoring a child, and I started journaling daily. Plus, I’m already on the Van Wert County Democratic Central Committee. I want to do more, though. I want to do meaningful things that positively impact myself and those around me. I wanna be a better person, not because I think I’m not a good person now (I feel like I am, by the way), but because I believe all of us have an opportunity to do more.

“Wellness” and “better” kinda go hand-in-hand, and they are certainly the words I’d choose for the intentions I have for 2022. Thirty feels like a big deal for me. Another goal I have with making a list like that is that I want to set myself up for a good decade. I went into my 20s a wreck, and I don’t want to do that with my 30s.

I want to live healthier—I want to be healthy in my mind, in my body, in my relationships. I want to do things that make me feel good and leave behind things that are toxic, traumatic, and that do not serve me. I want to be purposeful.

I wanna get better.

Here’s to always trying to do so.

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About

I am Kirsten and this is a space where I share the adventures I have with my dogs.

TPAR started as a blog about my life with Caesar and Jeter. It’s developed into a place where I can share hidden gems in local communities to take your dog, advice and tips I’ve learned along the way, and a space where sometimes I just get the things in my head out.

Since I began this blog, Jeter has passed and Gatsby has entered my life. Today, I continue to tell the stories of the dogs in my life. I hope you’ll find something useful here and grow to love taking your dogs on adventures too.

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