Most People Don’t Care About You; You Need To Care About Yourself

Allow me to be completely honest and raw for a post. As 2019 is nearing an end, I’ve begun to reflect on what has been the hardest year for me since I was a teenager.

The year began with the death of my grandma. Not long after, I watched as my mom went through some of the hardest parts of her life while I was helpless to do anything, and my advice fell on deaf ears. For most of the year, Caesar’s health was here and there. It all wore on me, and from June to October, I was drowning. While I had a few unexpected people reach out, most people ignored this.

Finally, in October, my dad asked me about my mental health and said to me, “I’m saying something because I don’t want to see you kill yourself.” I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. It made something in me snap, and I realized that I needed to change my mindset. I had been caring too much about things I couldn’t control, and it was eating me alive.

My entire life I’ve been quick to react to things that upset me and things I really have no control over. It drives me nuts about myself. I’m impulsive and often say and do things before I give myself time to think. I let negative situations eat at me. I lose sleep. My stomach is in knots. I get worked up and am quick to anger. Ninety-nine percent of these situations are things I can’t control or things that won’t matter in the long run. I think a lot of us are guilty of this, and maybe that’s why a lot of people my age are so full of mental health issues. We don’t know when to stop worrying.

Somewhere in late October or early November, after feeling unsupported at my job, betrayed by people who should be supporting me, and spending nearly $1,000 on Caesar and another $400 after smashing up my car, something in my brain finally snapped and said, “Stop caring so damn much. No one else does.”

So often we put so much effort and work into people, jobs, and projects that set unrealistic expectations on us without any support. Why are we killing ourselves over things that won’t matter at the end of our lives?

The truth is, most people don’t care about you. They don’t think about you, and they don’t care about what is best for your well-being. Most people do not care if you have depression or anxiety, and they certainly don’t want to be bothered with hearing about it. What they do want is for you to act “normal” 100 percent of the time. After all, you’re a “professional;” you shouldn’t be having these sort of issues, and they absolutely shouldn’t be affecting your life in anyway (please note my heavy sarcasm here).

The reality is, it’s up to you to put your mental health first; no one is going to do it for you. Sometimes you’re going to have to step away from things that no longer benefit your mental health. You’re going to have to start standing up for yourself, especially when no one is going to back you up. You’re going to have to do all of this for yourself, and it might let people down. But that is okay, and you’re going to have to teach yourself that too.

Maybe some of you are like me – maybe you’re afraid to fail and you’re afraid to make people upset with you. Maybe you’re also like me and keep telling yourself it’s time to make a change but somehow you have planted yourself and haven’t taken that leap yet. Change is scary. I know this. But know what else is scary? Living your life for decades and feeling regret for not making that change 20 years ago.

Someone told me that I don’t seem like I care anymore. It’s not necessarily that; it’s just that I’ve decided to care about things that care about me and make me feel better – my dogs, my school work, being in nature, and those truly close to me.

I still feel a little broken, and I still let things bother me that I have no control over. I’m working each day to let go of things that don’t make me better and to stop putting so much work into things and people that don’t support me. I think we are all waiting for that final straw or that one thing that allows us to find a brighter future. I am actively searching for that and trying to find my happiness along the way.

My apologies to anyone that comes in contact with this mess. I am a work in progress, but aren’t we all?