It’s been three weeks since Jeter “went down” (that’s what I’m calling it). It’s been some of the hardest three weeks of my life. I have no idea what the right thing to do is. I don’t know if I should keep pushing him or should let him go. I see stories of how long it took dogs to recover from situations like this and it gives me hope.
But maybe it’s false hope.
Or maybe I’m giving up too early.
Or maybe it’s time to let go.
Or maybe I haven’t given him enough time.
Or maybe I should hold on just a bit longer.
On July 13, Jeter’s hip dysplasia thew him his worst episode yet. Since that day, he’s been unable to walk without assistance. He regained movement in his tail and legs, but his hind is so weak that he can’t hold himself up for long and can’t get his legs under him to walk properly alone (though he has found other ways to move about).
As if it isn’t already bad enough to deal with his back legs, his front shoulders have had to work twice has hard to bear his weight that now they are sore. Right now, Jeter is only on gabapentin for pain, which is working well for his hip dysplasia but not working well for his sore muscles. He’s also on prednisone but is being weaned off it. We do exercises and he gets massages daily. On Aug. 3, he will have his first physical therapy appointment. I’m hopeful for the hydrotherapy he’s going to do and hopefully that appointment will give me more information.
It’s the hardest thing in the world to decide for someone else when they’ve had enough. When the person still eats, still drinks, still wags their tail, and still sits up when you come in the room—how do you decide that enough is enough when the lines are so blurred?
The good days he has blind me from the bad days, but the bad days drag me back down to reality. I know the saying, “When there are more bad days than good, you’ll know it’s time.” But that’s not true. You don’t know because the good days look like someone fighting to exist longer. How do you choose to take that from someone?
People also say that it’s better for your dog to go on a good day than on his worst day. This is surely true… but aren’t people allowed to have some bad days before they get better?
What if I give up too soon?
What if I hold on too long?
What if he gets better?
What if he never gets better and this is the best there is?
The “maybes” and “what ifs” eat at me.
Dogs bring so much joy, but I can see why people have a hard time bringing a new one into their lives after they lose their best friend. It’s hard to imagine willingly going through this again and again in life.
I just wish I could skip to the future to see how it all works out. Right now, I can’t see the best in all of this.